Public Records Vs Secret Families

iStock_000002846022XSmallTrue story. This really happened. So last Christmas I was working with a new client. I thought he was attractive and apparently the feeling was mutual. Before you know it we were dating. He told me he’d been divorced from his wife and they’d been separated for over a year. He didn’t talk much about her so I never really gave it another thought. As time went on we kinda got to that step where we began to meet one another’s families and friends. I started spending nights at his house and sharing cozy breakfasts. We talked several times every day. I was on top of the world. As a single Mom I hadn’t seriously dated for a very long time but my kids were grown and off to college so the timing was right.

I actually pretty quickly started to feel that this just might be Mr. Right. He knew what brand of Cabernet I drank. He always made sure to rent movies he knew I’d like. We never seemed to run out of things to talk about. It was magical and I started to fall in love.

Right around the superbowl my friends and I always throw this great superbowl party on the beach. I invited “Mr. Right” and we had a good time but something seemed a little off. He seemed distant and didn’t talk or really try to get to know my friends at all. He said he wasn’t feeling well so I chalked it up to that. He drove me home and kissed me goodnight.

The next day I set off to work. Normally I’d hear from him by noon. Nothing. I shot him a quick text and then nothing. I didn’t call at that point because I thought maybe he was just sick. Then Tuesday went by. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Nothing. No call. No nothing.

I was pretty heartbroken. I really liked this guy. I’d let myself be vulnerable. I wondered what I’d said or done. Nothing made sense. Finally 10 days later he called to say that his wife had come back.

“Your wife?”

“My wife.”

Turns out he wasn’t divorced and had in fact only been separated since November. And he still loved her. And she came back.

Never again. Had I known that I could use something like to search divorce records and public records  I could have saved myself some serious crying. No divorce had been filed. Red flags and instincts would have kicked in. All I can say is that I won’t put myself in that position again without doing my research. My time and emotions are too valuable to waste on untruthful daters and guys with lots of baggage.

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